You Heard It Here: Hollywood Pain Part 2

This month’s Hollywood story is one of my bigger, more dramatic ones. I don’t have that many stories that really spark anger from people, but this is usually one of them. In general, people don’t believe what I went through, but I was young and – yes, stupid – so I remember it differently than it comes off.

As is the case when I’m telling a less than positive story, I’ll refrain from using the actors real names. Some of you may guess and that’s fine, but I’m not comfortable – yet – spilling it here. Maybe I’ll save it for a non-fiction bio. LOL.

Okay, enough of the build-up.

Early in my career working as a stand-in on a big show, I was rehearsing a scene with the main cast. I was seated next to the co-star of the show (let’s call him Patrick) on the sofa in the living room set, while the star of the show (let’s call her SpongeBob) paced behind us. In the scene, SpongBob’s supposed to be upset at her daughter. (In case you haven’t figured it out, I was playing the daughter for this rehearsal.)

SpongeBob is supposed to smack her daughter across the top of her head. Nothing hard or painful. Just what I refer to as a schkaba. It’s not supposed to hurt, it’s just a wake up call that you did something dumb. Well, I don’t know what SpongeBob was thinking, but apparently she thought it would be funny to haul off and flat hand the side of my head. I don’t know if she was aiming for anything in particular, but her aim was precisely over my ear and her hand was cupped in just the perfect way that when she hit me, I heard this big popping sound in my head followed by a ringing. Naturally, she laughed because she got a kick out of herself. I’m sitting there with my mouth open wide and my head ringing, thinking, What the hell was that? But the scene continued. Patrick starts saying his lines and it dawned on me that I couldn’t hear him from my right ear. The ear nearest him that was just smacked.


My inner dialogue went something like this: “Oh shit! I can’t hear anything out of my right ear! But I can’t stop because the show must go on. I have to keep rehearsing. What if I get in trouble for stopping? What if I get fired from this great job?” As all that is running through my head, I’m barely paying attention to the scene. It comes time for me to say my character’s lines and I start to speak, but the words come out low and odd because I can’t hear them! Have you ever tried to talk when you can’t hear? Let me tell you… freaked me out. At that point, I was so mad, I threw caution to the wind.

“Oh my God! I can’t hear. I can’t believe you?” I yelled to SpongeBob. “You effing popped my ear drum! I can’t hear anything!” (Yes, I let fly an F-bomb.)

Her response was to laugh some more.

I was not amused. Then I took it a step farther and said, “I’m going to sue your ass!”

Her reply: “Get in line.”

Well, that pretty much doused my hopes for a settlement. Everyone laughed off my ringing ear and we went back to work. I never did sue her and after a few weeks my ear healed and I could hear again. It was not the only time SpongeBob physically abused me, but I’m saving the other story for a different time. And let me tell you… it’s a doozie.

So that’s this month’s Hollywood story. And not, it’s not an April Fools’ joke. It really did happen.

Did anyone ever hit you so hard, you heard bells ring? Let me know!


You Heard It Here: Hollywood Pain Part 2 — 6 Comments

  1. Curses on Rosea…SpongeBob! The only person who’s ever hit me so hard I saw stars was me. But I’m a repeat offender! Walked face-first into a sliding glass door and broke my nose. Slammed my head into a low-slanting roof beam and nearly gave myself a concussion. Many unfortunately incidents with kitchen cabinets. Basically, I should wear a helmet at all times.

    • Hi Samanthe,
      OMG! You poor thing! Cut that out! Yes, helmets are a good thing. Haha. I don’t often have that head banging problem seeing as how I’m not so tall. Thanks for stopping in!

  2. Never been hit, thank God, but have seen stars from walking into things. My poor son had his ear perforated more than once from ear infections. My heart nearly exploded seeing that boy in such pain. May spingebob’s karma dump on her enough to make her ears explode!

    • Hi Lynne,
      It’s so hard to watch our little ones in pain! It’s the worst feeling in the world. Sounds like you and Samanthe could start a club. LOL about Spongebob. Sometimes I wonder about karma… but who knows. I think all in all I’m a much happier person than her so I’m okay with that. Thanks for dropping in!

  3. What a mean set!! I usually find a bunch of nice people to commiserate with if someone is mean. Like Samanthe, I’ve walked face first into a glass door. That’s when I found out that the expression “fat lip” was a real thing.
    I confess to almost knocking out Barry Corbin in a performance of Dylan. My stage slap missed its mark and caught him on the jaw. I was so embarrasses.

    • Hi Susan,
      It wasn’t really a mean set per se… just a whacked out star in need of meds. Haha. Most everyone else was pretty awesome. Seems as thought walking into glass doors is a theme here. And I’m sure Barry forgave you. Thanks for dropping in!